Erin Thomas Wong
You're listening to the life friendly business podcast. I'm your host Erin Thomas Wong, business coach & mentor, author and founder of the cocoon VIP membership empowering women around the world to build businesses on their terms. If you want to grow and scale a business that works in harmony with your family and your life, this podcast is for you.
Today I'm speaking to Viv Allen counsellor coach and charity founder. Viv works with entrepreneurs and business owners to balance their passions and profits to avoid burnout and break down using her true growth framework and one to one coaching programme. She helps business owners get laser focused on the Mindset, Strategy and Action they need to build a business that supports them and the lifestyle they love. In this interview, she shares her own journey of going from being a director of a multi million pound business to finding herself going through a divorce and becoming a single parent of two girls. During her recovery, she decided to retrain as a counsellor and also set up a charity to help other parents and families who are struggling. Hello Viv. Thank you very much for joining me on the life friendly business podcast.
Viv Allen
Hi, Erin. It's absolute pleasure to be here. Thank you so much for having me along as your guest. I'm delighted to be here and really excited.
Erin Thomas Wong
Yeah, you're welcome. I'm looking forward to our conversation. So can you just tell us first of all, why you started your own business in the first place?
Viv Allen
The short answer to that is necessity. And the slightly longer answer to that is sort of post divorce, I was pretty much mullard if I'm honest. And that meant that I didn't feel like I was, you know, I had moved the kids out to a rural location, I didn't have any family support. I didn't even know how I could get a job. I've been director of a multi million pound business and I found myself completely on the floor with de-skilled. And so really, I think from there, I sort of started using the skills that I could pull together, you know, as I had accountancy, so I will, you know, work for myself as a freelance bookkeeper. And then I sort of got into some network marketing was a bit the VA and I tried lots of different things. But mostly it was necessity to do because I needed something it would I could fit in around the kids. And that would also fit in with where I was in my recovery journey.
Erin Thomas Wong
I mean, that that sounds like an awful lot to deal with. And it also really resonates with a lot of the stories that I hear about women who are in really, really good jobs, you know, really high powered careers. And then because you need to work around the kids, you're faced with, you know, employment opportunities, where you're actually a lot lower down the ranks and, and that must be really hard, you know, psychologically as well,
Viv Allen
When you're, you know, when self esteem is already on the floor. And then you turn up at the job centre, and they're asking you to apply for work, which you know, you know, you left behind many years ago, decades ago, my case. And I sort of I remember actually sit there in tears. And the lady said to me, are you fit to work? Like, yeah, I just was caught between, not being able to get past the real symptoms I had of posttraumatic stress, and, you know, is it depression, but underneath knowing that I had all these skills and this fantastic, you know, ability to be able to give so much more than some of the opportunities that were presented to me would have allowed me to do
Erin Thomas Wong
and how long would you say that it took you to get to the place where you felt like, you were back on some kind of track whether you know, it's a different track, but how long was that period of feeling really unsettled. And, you know, questioning the identity of the person that you now work as well, I imagine.
Viv Allen
Yeah, I have to be honest. And say, for me, it was just it was years. Like it was too long, too long. But mostly, I think, a lot of pride. I wasn't necessarily I was doing lots of smiling at the school gates and pretending everything was fine. And it wasn't. So I didn't have any family around me, which made it really hard. So I lost my friendship network and have lost my family as well because of the move. And I think that that didn't help. Because there were people close to me that support networks is so important, which is what I love what you've done with the cocoon Erin and in terms of building a supportive network around you. It's it's so important. I know. You know, it's important, it's why you do what you do, but it did take me a long time. And as part of that recovery, I trained to become a counsellor and I think it was then that I started to to repiece myself back together as me. That was really the beginning of it. And I think then I remember sitting down and go, right, this is what I don't want anyone to have to suffer like I did. And I really want to have to help people recover faster.
So I kind of at that point, made a sort of, my manifesto, as it were. And I decided I had three things I wanted to do. One was to get into private practice to run a coaching business, I could really help people combine their skills, because that's basically what I had to do, I kind of pulled all these threads together and combined all my skills into something that then worked and fitted around me and the girls. And I wanted to find a charity to help parents and families really that were struggling from conception to age two. So in terms of that stuff I do with DoorPIP to help families not have to go through what we've been through. And I wanted to write a book, because ultimately, I wanted to sort of pull everything together into one real Self Help manual that helped people to take action where I just hadn't taken the action before I've done lots of realising it. It was a gradual journey. So I'd say I want people to stop. If I can help them to accelerate through that bit a bit faster than I'd love to be able to do that.
Erin Thomas Wong
That's amazing as well, that you've been able to take your own experience and recognise how many other people there are in similar situations that need support, and that you're able to give that support to them. So your girls have grown up now I understand. But what you know, I think the idea of a life friendly business is still absolutely relevant. So, you know, how did you manage when they were younger? And you were first starting out? On this new journey? And what does a kind of life friendly business mean for you?
Viv Allen
Yeah, I mean, I resonate with a lot of women out there who haven't quite found their, their balance yet. So, you know, I thought for years at work, that, you know, sleeping for hours at night was plenty. But, you know, I was doing a degree and a diploma and working and running the children, you know, to school and doing everything single handed. So that wasn't healthy. And that wasn't, you know, I said, took me a long time, it took me a long time to work out, but I did prioritise me, and then be able to, you know, be able to continue to see that there was enough time for everything. It's just everything in its time.
Now, the whole business about being running your own business or being self employed, wherever, whatever scale you're at, is definitely that flexibility of being able to even though my kids are now growing up, I could still just take a day out when I want to, to go and meet them to do what we want to do. And that's so important. And when they were younger, for me, it was so valuable to be able to go to the sports days, and to the choir practices and to all the matches on the weekends. And that stuff was just that was front and centre. For me. And that's what running your business allows you to do to say, Hang on, no, my kids are important. And that's what I'm going to go and do today.
Erin Thomas Wong
I know that, you know, I've spoken to quite a few single mums who are really caught between that rock and the hard place, because they're the only ones bringing in any income. So they have that huge pressure, which, you know, means that often they're missing out on the things that are actually really important to them. And, you know, I imagine it's quite a leap of faith really to make that decision. Like, no, I'm going to do it my way, I'm going to do it on my own terms and have the trust that there will be enough money to, you know, to support yourself.
Viv Allen
yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that that confidence in, in the long game. That's the difficulty. And I think when if it's your, you know, having the confidence that what you're building, brick by brick, you know, you know, action by action is going to yield the results that that you desire. And beyond that, and I think that's what entrepreneurship allows you that perhaps a paid position doesn't,
Erin Thomas Wong
and how I mean, obviously, you help people a lot with mindset. So can you give us any tips on how to get to that place of having that confidence in what you're doing?
Viv Allen
I think doing like a lot of sort of inner work is we talked about often people always talking about it, but it's so valuable, because you know, to take you to take that data, what you know about yourself, you know, when you feel good, how much more you can achieve much more fast, much more faster is that English much faster. You know, if you're sitting at the screen trying to extract a blog for your brain, when you're not in that, sort of, you're just not in that place, it's going to be really hard work and could take twice as long. Whereas if you can give yourself that permission, be more compassionate, and trust that you will deliver the work you need to, and then, you know, go and do something else that your brain can cope with at that moment. I think have I answered the question there? Yeah, well, I
Erin Thomas Wong
Yeah, well, I mean, no, I was gonna say as well, I think that we can be our own worst enemies, with the, you know, the inner critic that we have going on. And sometimes one of the most effective things you can do is just start being nicer to yourself, and giving yourself grace and accepting that, you know, like, sometimes things go wrong, but you know, you had the best intentions. And, you know, I just, I think that, especially if you've got lots of external pressures on you, you can get really bogged down with that, and then your own inner critic as well, just like compounds it. So yeah, I would definitely say the inner workers. And you know, it's interesting, because you said, everyone talks about it. But I feel like, you know, we do live in a bit of an echo chamber, don't we, and, you know, you and I, you know, obviously we're in the cocoon, we talk about mindset, a lot. And we've probably got friends that are all have the same kind of feeling about that. But actually, there are lots of people who haven't really explored their own personal development, or things that they could be doing to, like you say, make things feel easier, because sometimes it feels like you're just banging your head, your head against a brick wall. And actually, if you change your state first, you can be much more productive, and much happier.
Viv Allen
Yeah. And, you know, I would say that the firt, one of the first pieces of work I often do with clients, when they come to work with me, the coaching programme is actually what the olden days would have be called a time and motion study. So it's literally record what you do every day, for like a week. And then just look at how you spend your time. And instantly from that, you can start to see patterns emerging. And when you can see the patterns, you know, how you can manage things better. So you could learn, you can see where the inefficiencies are, you can see, you know, how you're spreading yourself too thin. And you could just see things you can't see when you're so busy in it. Yeah, it's really valuable.
Erin Thomas Wong
And this idea as well about, you know, wearing busy as a badge of honour. I mean, that's, that's one reason why I, you know, decided that it was time to leave London, because I felt like there's this whole thing about, you know, I'm so busy, I'm so busy all the time, I'm doing this all the time, that that's almost like a good thing. And it's it's not I mean, that's what leads to burnout and stress and all those things. And I think, yeah, the time mindset that you put yourself in, because if something is really important, like, you know, if if one of the kids is ill, and we have to take the doctor, we make time to do it. Whereas, you know, we can spend so long getting caught up because we're doing stuff for other people all the time. You know, we're saying yes to other people's urgent and not not looking after our own priorities.
Viv Allen
That was the other thing I was going to say in this. So that that, for me was my thing. I spent a lot of time giving away my time to help other people. But I wasn't thinking about where it was taking me if that makes does that make sense? Yeah, you know, I did all the PTA I volunteered at the citizens advice I, you know, did a lot of so I made myself very busy. But then none of that those experiences have been very valuable and helped me in different things. But ultimately, in that, you have to look at your priorities. And I think that's one of those things about that doing some some real journaling, and some real inner work can help you find out what is at what is the real what is the what is you know, if you want to be busy, why do you want to get busy, you know, nothing wrong with being busy, it just depends on is that the business getting you where you want to go. And so I think that that's where that inner work could be really valuable.
Erin Thomas Wong
Or for some people is the keeping busy avoiding. Yes, that's going on in their heads. Exactly. Yeah. And so I imagine as a counsellor and as a coach that you have pretty good boundaries for yourself now, do you have any non negotiables
Viv Allen
I don't work evenings and weekends. You know, very rarely, if you know, obviously, for the mental health perspective, very occasionally a client might reach out to me over the weekend, of course I would respond. Or I might have a specific project where some really nice quiet time, you know, when the emails aren't coming in a million miles an hour And the phone's not going that I might want to work on a project quietly over a weekend, but know that my non negotiables I would say, I sort of take care of those evenings and weekends to be around people who love me and I love and, and to do the stuff I love.
Erin Thomas Wong
So talking about that, how do you like to take care of yourself,
Viv Allen
you will usually find me on in or near the water. So I do live so lucky to live here by the beach in pool. And that is a fantastic resource, which I use with my business clients as well. And, but also for my own sanity, and I have a pretty solid morning and evening routines. So in that, in that I allow time for reflection and a bit of journaling, reading something inspirational and moving my body. So you know, I'd like to call it yoga, but it looks more random than that I suspect in the warnings and food nutrition is like really important. So, you know, I like to have a veggie juices. And my, you know, my, my real treat for me is an oat cappuccino.
Erin Thomas Wong
Don't go crazy. They're wonderful, um, and so with, with the kind of, you know, the life that you've been able to design now, and you know, a business where you're making an incredibly positive impact on lots of other people. How do you measure your success?
Viv Allen
Wow, that is, do you know, how good I feel at the end of each day? That's really kind of it is sort of, did I go to sleep? And just like my sort of evening reflection is did I make someone smile today? Like, did I touch their heart in some way? Like, make me smile or make them laugh? And I think, did I laugh or smile today? And then I think, Okay, did I get chipped up, you know, to get the stuff done? Like, my to do list is maximum of three things per day. So if I've got those three things done, I've done a great job.
Erin Thomas Wong
I love that. And I love the Have I made someone smile today. That's, that's brilliant for those women out there who are listening who are, you know, desperately trying to build a business on their own terms. And you know, maybe they're caring for kids, maybe they're caring for parents, or they've got other responsibilities. And, you know, they're finding it really hard to get any kind of work life balance, let alone time for themselves. What advice would you give them,
Viv Allen
take a breath. You know, just breathe for a minute. And just, you know, find a quiet space, find somewhere to sit quietly with yourself, and give yourself permission to feel to really connect with what's in your heart. Because those ambitions are real, they won't go away. They might be frustrated right now, because you've got other things that are higher priority, you know, depending on the ages and stages as your family dynamic. But they'll still be there. And you can you can what? And then once you've had that quiet moment, you know, like, just ask yourself, what what one thing can I do today to just move that project a little bit further forward. And day by day, that's how you build a business. It's not, you know, it's not, when we look on the internet, we could look at everybody else's sort of, you know, big successes, sometimes we forget all the steps that they've taken to get to that successful point.
So you know, you're just, you know, that taking your steps. And that's, that's the most important thing, keeping that dream alive. And if ever you feel like you're losing connection with that, like you don't want to take it or you realise you're procrastinating, you're not taking steps you perhaps even could have done, then maybe just take again, take that moment, breathe. Remember why, why it was that you wanted to do that particular business or set up that service or, you know, offer that product. And when you do connect back to that, that will reignite that fire and you'll you'll get going again.
Erin Thomas Wong
I think that's really reassuring, actually, because I think that that is one thing and I know that I felt it when my kids were younger, that you have that fire in your belly. And it just feels so frustrating when you actually really want to work. You want to be working on your business, but you can't because of external you know forces and I think there is that fear of what if that fire dies out and I think that you know what you're saying is really reassuring because it's like you know, it's still there within you it just might take a bit longer. And it reminds me of the my analogy about the sweeping staircase and the lovely big landings in between. So, you know, the the idea of stepping up and scaling your business and growing your business, it's lots of small steps, and then you might get to the second floor, and something happens, someone in your family becomes ill, and you can just chill out on the landing a bit, you know, you don't have to roll back down to the ground floor. And then when you're ready, you can take it to the next floor, and then the next floor. So yeah, taking the pressure off.
Viv Allen
Yeah. And you know, the beauty of being a business ownwe is you get to work out what works for you know, what works for you in your life, what works for you in your business, there are 7 billion people on this planet, that means a 7 billion different ways of being human. Just do what's right for you Do it your way.
Erin Thomas Wong
I love that. And, and I and I think that's the double edged sword of social media is that people are seeing other people who seemingly have become successful, and feeling like they have to do it that way, then, or they have to try and do it that way. And, you know, it doesn't necessarily work for everyone, but also it's not right for everyone. So, you know, I have, you know, introverts coming to me. And, you know, and the whole thing about getting visible and stuff is absolutely terrifying to them. And it's about working out a way that you can get visible that your comfortable, I mean, I do believe in stretching your comfort zone, and all those kinds of things. But that, you know, some things are right for some people, and some things aren't, and you have to find your own way to do things.
Viv Allen
And I just want to circle back just like we said, that area, which is a loved your choice of word. And I often hear people talk about pushing. Now pushing myself forward, I'm pushing this push, but you use the word stretch. And I like the idea of stretching your comfort zone. And I think that that's a really important message for people to hear. It's not about pushing, it's not about pushing yourself to be your best. It's just that stretches every time you in the morning, my my part my morning routine is to deliberately leave the tea on a very high shelf, because it makes me stretch to get it. Yeah. And that's the point. It's a little bit extra effort, but I'm successful. And when you make those this stretch goals achievable, as well, when you've pushing yourself, there's always feels like it's a battle, it's almost like going to battle with yourself.
Erin Thomas Wong
Yeah, definitely. And we and we definitely don't need to be in a battle with ourselves because there's enough going on externally, that can make us feel like we're in a battle. So let's, let's be kind to ourselves. So what's coming up next for you?
Viv Allen
Well, the book so the charity is up and running and flying along. So really excited about that. The coaching business, I've got some developments there for next year, I want to sort of somehow launch of a group programme, I'm not quite sure what that's gonna look like, but because I really, really loving the business performance coaching, so I want to keep that going. But ultimately, I've also got my book which I want to, to launch, which is I've written and it's in editorial phase. So I am is I'm not promising any deadlines to keep doing that. And that doesn't help. So I'm just it's gonna be ready when it's ready, but it's coming out. And, and also, I did a podcast at if you remember doing a podcast, the true growth podcast, and I took a break this year, and I'm really missing it. So I'd also like to look at that. So I'm going to be taking some of my own advice totally after this and are going to sit quietly on a bench somewhere and reflect about how can I prioritise all these projects that I want to still get done? And work out which is the ones that fit best with me in the where I'm at right now with all the external pressures I've got going on too.
Erin Thomas Wong
And with with all those different projects, especially the charity Do you have business support? Do you have people helping you?
Unknown Speaker
Oh my Lord absolutely in every one of them? Yeah, for sure. I could not do it alone. And I mean, I even you know, though, I'm, you know, I have supervision for my counselling. I still have a business mentor. I in the businesses I have external support. So the coaching business, I have virtual support and in the charity, I have a fantastic Chief of Operations, who does absolutely everything all the bits I hate doing it's fantastic. Just taken another team member for communications. Yeah, we have you know, a whole bunch of volunteers and trustees it all support me so yeah, definitely could not do this stuff alone.
Erin Thomas Wong
Where can people find out more about you?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, I'm on all the socials as vivallencoaching and I've got a website is vivallen.com And I do have an ebook Foundation For Self Care, so it's like a little mini book before the book. And I'd be really happy to offer that to any of your listeners free of charge. So they get a voucher code, if they just email me, then I'll ask, I'll make sure they get a copy of the foundations for self care. That's the sort of six step guide to really building your own self care routine. And like I was talking about, I've got a really good morning routine, an evening routine that supports me. And I wrote a little book about that.
Erin Thomas Wong
Oh, lovely. I could put that in the show notes. So we'll do that. Fab. Brilliant. Absolutely. Brilliant. So my last question is, if you could go back and, and speak to Viv, when you were going through that really difficult time of you know, uprooting everything and you know, recovering from your divorce and all those things. What would you tell yourself,
Viv Allen
I would say, to be more compassionate. So be compassionate. Yes, spend more time enjoying where you are, rather than, you know, either reaching for that next step or regretting what's past? Does that make sense? So just really immerse yourself in where you are right now? What resources do you have right now that you can use today without having to get another qualification? Or go in invest heavily in some tech or something, you know, what can you do right now? And go from that place?
Erin Thomas Wong
Fabulous advice. Thank you very much Viv. It's been great to speak to you today.
Viv Allen
Such a pleasure. It's really wonderful. And thank you very much for having me along. Erin.
Erin Thomas Wong
You've been listening to the life friendly business podcast, which is all about carving your own path and doing it at your own pace. But I know that's not easy to do. So to help you decide what a life friendly business looks like for you, and help you to stick to the boundaries and commitments needed to create that I've created the life friendly business prescription. download this free workbook and spend 30 to 60 minutes reflecting on what life friendly means to you and the changes you may need to make in order to achieve the work life balance you desire. Once you've made these decisions, you can add them to your own printable life and the business prescription that you can put on your wall to remind yourself that you have the power to design your very own life friendly business. Download yours now at lifefriendlybusiness.com/prescription
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
