You're listening to the life friendly business podcast. I'm your host, Erin Thomas Wong, business mentor, author and founder of the cocoon VIP membership, empowering women around the world to build businesses on their terms. If you want to grow and scale, a business that works in harmony with your family and your life, this podcast is for you.
Overwhelm is by far one of the most common challenges that I speak to women in business about when we break it down, it's often because they're trying to do too much. They're not taking into account the available time that they have, or the other responsibilities that they have to take into consideration. And so they feel like they're never doing enough. But what this really means is that they're missing a crucial piece of the jigsaw. And that is, boundaries.
Boundaries are limits and rules that we set for ourselves within relationships, and they're there to help you stay mentally and emotionally stable. They're there to help protect our energy. And I really think that as a small business owner, protecting our energy should be one of our top priorities, especially when your business may be helping and supporting other people say you're giving all the time through your business, you're probably also giving to your family and to your partner and to your friends. So you need to protect yourself and protect your own energy. And you can do that through having boundaries and keeping those boundaries.
So I'm going to give you some examples of how life may look without boundaries. You constantly over deliver, and end up with burnout. Now I know so many women who they over deliver, because they love what they do. And you know, they enjoy it. And perhaps they find that it comes naturally. And so they want to give they want to give to people, but it's not always sustainable. And sadly, they end up at a place where they haven't been able to protect their energy, and they reach burnout. And it's a lot harder to come back from burnout than it is to take some time to check in on your energy and check in on your boundaries and make some changes.
You may resent others, possibly your clients. And sometimes even yourself for the situations that you find yourself in. You also feel like your work is never done. Because guess what, there's no off switch, especially these days with social media and email on our phones, we have to create that off switch for ourselves. And you may feel like a slave to your business and the people around you. And if any of these are resonating with you, it means that you need to get your boundaries in place.
Another huge one that comes up in the conversations that I have with my mentoring clients is about mum guilt. When I say Mum guilt, I'm talking about feeling guilty to do with basically everything. You might be feeling guilty, that you're not spending enough time with your children, you might be feeling guilty, that you're not spending enough time working on your business, you might be feeling guilty that you actually really want to work on your business, but you can't because you have to look after your children. And I know that I've been there. I remember so vividly being at the park with my with my two boys and thinking I really should be in the moment here and enjoying the time with them. But all I could think is how excited I was to get home and be able to work on my business. And I felt really, really bad about that for many years, but not anymore. You know, I I've really learned to realise that that is not something that I should feel guilty about. And it's okay to want to work on your business and it's okay to want to achieve. We do need time in kind of different areas of our lives. So maybe you've got time with the family, but then you've also got time for you and the things that you want to do.
I know one thing that I used to feel really guilty about is when I had childcare from my family helping out and I felt a real pressure to be really productive with that time. But actually sometimes I was just exhausted. And what I needed was headspace and time to breathe. But I felt so guilty about the fact that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to work. We have to stop beating ourselves up about these things and I promise you It will make a huge difference to how much you enjoy living your life. And in terms of running your business as well.
So if any of these things are resonating with you, what you're really missing, here are your boundaries. So how can we get them in place, I've got three steps for you to follow.
Number one, decide on your non negotiables. These are the things that you need in order to thrive in order to protect your energy. And in order to feel calm, and not completely stressed out. For me, I want to be able to pick my children up from school, I also want to be able to work flexibly around the school holidays, and I want to be able to attend school plays and sports days. And if they've got a hospital appointment, I want to be the one that takes them. For you. It may also be about exercise, maybe you feel like you absolutely need a certain class, once a week that you can go to or twice a week. Maybe it's headspace time time on your own. I used to hate my own company, the idea of spending a day alone was like, Oh, my goodness, no way. And then when I had children, it all changed. And now I love time on my own. And I need time on my own. Last year. In fact, I think I went three or four times for a solo business retreat and night in the hotel, to just be on my own and be in my own thoughts and work on my business and do the things that I love. And I won't feel guilty about that, because I've realised that is something that I need for my well being. So what are your non negotiables?
The second step is to look at your life right now and decide what needs to change. What will you no longer be available for, it's so easy to feel like life is happening to us, rather than for us. But the fact is, is that you have the power to make this change in your life. You have the power to design a life that brings you joy rather than stress. And one thing I want you to remember here is that every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. So a great example of that is when you say yes to someone else's urgent, that actually doesn't benefit you at all. But you feel like you should be helping them. What you're actually doing is saying no to something that you may need something that might be your urgent.
So step two is to take a look at your life right now. And decide what needs to change and what you'll no longer be available for
Step three is to communicate your boundaries with your partner with your kids and with your clients. What you need to be doing is managing expectations with your clients, letting them know how long they can expect to wait to hear from you. Whether there are particular times of day that you check your email, what you want to be doing is exceeding those expectations when possible, rather than actually disappointing them because you're so overwhelmed. And you feel like you're constantly pedalling to keep up. So set the expectations that are realistic for you in your life. This is really important work that only you can do. And you need to carve out the time to do this.
So I do recommend putting it in your diary. So after this podcast episode, get your diary out and just block out an hour this week next week to sit down and think about this. One belief that I think really prevents us from protecting these boundaries is that you're not enough. So many women feel like they are not achieving enough. They're not good enough. They're not a good enough mother, partner, friend. They're not doing enough in their business. They're not doing enough housework, stop, you are enough. Whatever you achieve in a day around the limitations that you're working in is enough. Your number one responsibility is to protect your own energy and well being so that you can show up for everyone else.
I really love the quote "self care is giving the world the best of you, not what is left of you." So take some time to work through these three steps. Number one, decide on your non negotiables these are the things that are important for you. Forget everyone else for this exercise. This is about you decide on your non negotiables and What you need to thrive. Number two, decide what needs to change. Number three, communicate that with those who need to know. And lastly, know and start believing that you are more than enough.
I really hope that you've enjoyed this episode. If you know anyone who needs to hear this too, please do share it with them. I'd love to hear the decision you make when you've done this exercise. So please do get in touch through my social channels in the show notes. See you next time.
You've been listening to the life friendly business podcast which is all about carving your own path and doing it at your own pace. But I know that's not easy to do. So to help you decide what a life friendly business looks like for you and help you to stick to the boundaries and commitments needed to create that I've created the life friendly business description. Download this free workbook and spend 30 to 60 minutes reflecting on what life friendly means to you and the changes you may need to make in order to achieve the work life balance you desire. Once you've made these decisions, you can add them to your own printable life friendly business prescription that you can put on your wall to remind yourself that you have the power to design your very own life friendly business. Download yours now at life friendlybusiness.com/prescription
Transcribed by https://otter.ai